Self improvement is...

I don’t typically want to be “that guy” that quotes Fight Club, but there was always this line that I never quite clicked with until recently:

“Self improvement is masturbation.” –Tyler Durden.

I always thought that was just some line thrown in to make Brad Pitt sound even cooler than he already was so I never quite got the line… until I saw this.

I generally don’t let the things I see in the bottomless well of despair, that is the internet, bother me, but every now and then some buoyant piece of putrescence floats up within smelling distance and gets me to seething. This week’s facepalm was just this. This is something people are doing. Sure not many people are doing it and there are worse things happening out there happening but as I thought about why something this ridiculous would make me so angry I came to realize:

1. Men have failed women. Men who fail to make the women in their lives understand that they are indeed beautiful simply for being. When things like #uglychicksarentallowed are trends on Twitter, We have failed. When it is astounding to the press that a couple is married for 40, 50 or 60 years, we have failed. When a girl shoves a tube up her nose in an obsessive attempt to lose ten pounds, we have failed.

This is not to say men do not do their fair share of silly things. Men have insecurities as well but men also have an interesting mechanism that activates when we make a girl feel pretty or special. So as an open call to men to spread the word: SACK UP. Hold a door open for a girl. Tell her she looks nice. Stop talking about how hot she is and how hot she isn’t. Stop letting the basest instincts define the value put on someone. You don’t have to marry a girl if you tell her she looks pretty just do it. Who knows? The ladies might reciprocate and the world would be just a bit happier.

2. “Self improvement is masturbation.”

I knew I was going somewhere with this. There are two reasons to improve yourself: Selfish and Selfless. The article above makes this sound like it is motivated by weight loss. That is in essence a desire to be healthy but the means of this diet are in no way healthy: mentally or physically. This is all about looking a certain way. I work in a gym part time and when you do something that silly you see a lot of silly things. Women who are not grossly overweight convinced of their obesity will claim “My husband thinks this extra 5 lbs is just disgusting!” (Paraphrased true story also husband read above…ass.)

Now the thought process of working out to look a certain way was an easy trap to fall into for me. Did you see that guy in Thor? He looked awesome! Man, how awesome would it be to look like that. Yeah guys do that too. It all came down to selfish vanity. I had to break away from that and there are plenty of people who are in this trap as well. I remember an awesome quote from Tony Horton (the p90x guy) that said something to the effect: if you are working out to look like someone else you will always be disappointed but if you work out towards a fitness or health goal then the aesthetics are the reward that comes with that. This is true, if we work on ourselves in any aspect of our lives. If we work towards what we think is how we need to be or how we need to look then it will never be good enough especially if we only focus on the physical because the great truth of the situation is: We are going to die. Will anyone at your wake be talking about your abs? If so then you are boring. Go Away.

Though Lent is over, let’s think back to Ash Wednesday. If you happened to be in a parish that says the softer handed “repent and receive the gospel” line as they trace ash on you, alright, but I am a fan of “Remember O man, that you are dust and unto dust you shall return.” Fancy way of saying, think about what you are doing because you sir, are going to die. This mental trap helps us forget that very important truth and it is not just in the gym or the bathroom mirror that this happens. There are plenty of “philosophile” Catholics (and others) who pour over books just for the sake of the knowledge, not to teach but to show it off. Trying to be Gandalf but never Samwise. (If you ask nicely I will write another post to explain what I mean). We are going to die, and our lives should be lived for others. Learn for the sake of teaching others, strengthen for the sake of being others strength; the true Christian life is one of servitude and selflessness.

The moment I broke from this trap I started running more, I started wanting improvements not for myself but for those around me. I wanted to be a healthier husband and father. I wanted to be a good example to my friends. I wanted to improve in the sports I was interested in to help others grow. The discipline I could learn in those areas translated to schoolwork and other areas of life. I didn’t want to just accumulate knowledge for myself; I might want to teach someday. Suddenly there wasn’t just a tunnel vision prophesy of how I thought I was supposed to look but who I could be to the people around me. So yeah, Self improvement is masturbation… when all you see is yourself.

The Shadow Proves the Light

Humans like to feel good. Humans like to feel happy. Humans are silly creatures.

There is a difference between living joyfully and feeling happy. Joy springs from the well of the divine, from our hearts. Happiness is a reaction, and can be shaken. Joy is a cause. All too often are we torn from happiness by some great cataclysm of life but it is in our darkest times that we are never closer to the Light.

Darkness and despair is a tricky subject to tackle, but here in the Easter season we are to be joyful at the victory of Christ’s Sacrifice and what happens when that feeling fades? Ol’ Clive Staples had it right as he described the Christian life as a series of waves that rise and fall. We have an experience and it elevates us to an almost manic state of happiness and elation in the light, and then we and dipped back into shadow as we come down from that mountain, like Moses returning from meeting God only to come back to his people worshipping a cow. We all experience this of course. The funny thing is we tend to know that good times do not last forever but we tend to assume the bad will. It is our nature to yearn for those feelings of happiness and to see beauty in life again and so when the going gets rough we tend to chicken out.

I find myself thinking should we be just as grateful for dark times in our lives? They do provide opportunities for growth and to strengthen ourselves. The truth is the dark and hard times should be uplifting. The shadows cast on the wall only prove the source of light. The bad things that happen in this world can leave us broken and weak but all we have to remember is that it ends, that we can see it through. 

We have such a richness of faith, and the Sacraments that provide us with such grace to lift our hearts out of darkness but we must act. Robert Frost’s “Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening” gives us the image of a man standing between two images: A frozen lake and a snow filled woods on the darkest night of the year. I see every one of us in that image; standing between God’s endless forest and Hell’s Frozen Lake in the darkest hour, contemplating the journey ahead. 

Our Dark night of the Soul comes to an end eventually but it always seems like Winter in Narnia: “Always winter but never Christmas.” We can see each other through a harsh winter. We can Love our neighbor and our enemies. Like campers in the cold night in the wilderness we are drawn closer to the light of the fire. I believe we can stay joyful in the dark times and that is what makes the love of God shine in the world. We should be grateful for our winters because we are never closer to God or to each other. Eventually, somewhere in Narnia the snows start to melt, the sun breaks the clouds, and you might even hear sleigh bells in the distance. (Dibs on the Sword.)

Also give this song a listen: Even the Winter by Audrey Assad

Easter: It all leads up to this.

      I love the Easter Triduum. The symphonic rises and falls of the Liturgical Year reach its great Crescendo at the Vigil. Easter makes the entire year a meaningful journey. If the Annunciation was the moment the Universe held its breath, then Easter is when it exhaled. It is because of Easter we have the Church and Her Priests. We have poetry, art, music and all inspired things that profess the beauty of this world magnified and made ever more beautiful by the victory won by the Resurrection.  I love that moment, when we hear the Gloria for the first time in weeks at the Vigil, that hair-standing-on-end moment of loud happy praise of the Glory of God. The bells ring, the lights turn on, and we see the Kingdom of God revealed before us. It is as if we are opening our eyes to a new world of hope and victory. Easter gives everything we do purpose. Every action small and great done by the Church is given a deeper purpose and meaning through Death’s Defeat. Without Easter, Christmas would just be another birthday.

     Today is Holy Thursday. It is the beginning of our New Beginning. Today we remember the establishment of the Eucharist at the Last Supper: The climax of the Greatest Love Story in all of history. The moment we re-experience every time the priest places his hands over the altar; the moment when God, the Creator, chose to suffer for his Creation, a Creation that chose to commit deicide. God, who is Love, allowed his own creatures to thrust him so low so that He might lift us up out of the muck and filth. Our own propensity to brutalize and kill was used to facilitate our salvation. Today, we remember that God not only chose to do this once, but established a Sacrament through which this Sacrifice would be experienced again and again. This Sacrament, brings God to us, brings us into Him, and is the Source of all Love. It is the Love from which all other loves flow. When we receive this Love, we become the vessel through which this Love flows.

     We hear that we become living tabernacles. Consider that image. WE are the CONTAINER that is to carry Love into the world. In the most humble way I will say: we become the vessel which contains the Center and Source of Love, A vessel that All the Heavens and Earth bow to what is contained within. All Souls, great and small, Angels and Demons, Light and Shadow, must bend the knee to the Presence that is carried within us at that moment. We contain what the Angels and Saints love, and the Enemy and his demons FEAR: Love that shakes the foundations of the universe, Love that changes what love is. We carry Love that shattered Death’s finality, won us eternal life, and won us a victory to a battle that we fight today. We already have the outcome of the war. Love wins. Carry on.

I love Easter.