Self improvement is...

I don’t typically want to be “that guy” that quotes Fight Club, but there was always this line that I never quite clicked with until recently:

“Self improvement is masturbation.” –Tyler Durden.

I always thought that was just some line thrown in to make Brad Pitt sound even cooler than he already was so I never quite got the line… until I saw this.

I generally don’t let the things I see in the bottomless well of despair, that is the internet, bother me, but every now and then some buoyant piece of putrescence floats up within smelling distance and gets me to seething. This week’s facepalm was just this. This is something people are doing. Sure not many people are doing it and there are worse things happening out there happening but as I thought about why something this ridiculous would make me so angry I came to realize:

1. Men have failed women. Men who fail to make the women in their lives understand that they are indeed beautiful simply for being. When things like #uglychicksarentallowed are trends on Twitter, We have failed. When it is astounding to the press that a couple is married for 40, 50 or 60 years, we have failed. When a girl shoves a tube up her nose in an obsessive attempt to lose ten pounds, we have failed.

This is not to say men do not do their fair share of silly things. Men have insecurities as well but men also have an interesting mechanism that activates when we make a girl feel pretty or special. So as an open call to men to spread the word: SACK UP. Hold a door open for a girl. Tell her she looks nice. Stop talking about how hot she is and how hot she isn’t. Stop letting the basest instincts define the value put on someone. You don’t have to marry a girl if you tell her she looks pretty just do it. Who knows? The ladies might reciprocate and the world would be just a bit happier.

2. “Self improvement is masturbation.”

I knew I was going somewhere with this. There are two reasons to improve yourself: Selfish and Selfless. The article above makes this sound like it is motivated by weight loss. That is in essence a desire to be healthy but the means of this diet are in no way healthy: mentally or physically. This is all about looking a certain way. I work in a gym part time and when you do something that silly you see a lot of silly things. Women who are not grossly overweight convinced of their obesity will claim “My husband thinks this extra 5 lbs is just disgusting!” (Paraphrased true story also husband read above…ass.)

Now the thought process of working out to look a certain way was an easy trap to fall into for me. Did you see that guy in Thor? He looked awesome! Man, how awesome would it be to look like that. Yeah guys do that too. It all came down to selfish vanity. I had to break away from that and there are plenty of people who are in this trap as well. I remember an awesome quote from Tony Horton (the p90x guy) that said something to the effect: if you are working out to look like someone else you will always be disappointed but if you work out towards a fitness or health goal then the aesthetics are the reward that comes with that. This is true, if we work on ourselves in any aspect of our lives. If we work towards what we think is how we need to be or how we need to look then it will never be good enough especially if we only focus on the physical because the great truth of the situation is: We are going to die. Will anyone at your wake be talking about your abs? If so then you are boring. Go Away.

Though Lent is over, let’s think back to Ash Wednesday. If you happened to be in a parish that says the softer handed “repent and receive the gospel” line as they trace ash on you, alright, but I am a fan of “Remember O man, that you are dust and unto dust you shall return.” Fancy way of saying, think about what you are doing because you sir, are going to die. This mental trap helps us forget that very important truth and it is not just in the gym or the bathroom mirror that this happens. There are plenty of “philosophile” Catholics (and others) who pour over books just for the sake of the knowledge, not to teach but to show it off. Trying to be Gandalf but never Samwise. (If you ask nicely I will write another post to explain what I mean). We are going to die, and our lives should be lived for others. Learn for the sake of teaching others, strengthen for the sake of being others strength; the true Christian life is one of servitude and selflessness.

The moment I broke from this trap I started running more, I started wanting improvements not for myself but for those around me. I wanted to be a healthier husband and father. I wanted to be a good example to my friends. I wanted to improve in the sports I was interested in to help others grow. The discipline I could learn in those areas translated to schoolwork and other areas of life. I didn’t want to just accumulate knowledge for myself; I might want to teach someday. Suddenly there wasn’t just a tunnel vision prophesy of how I thought I was supposed to look but who I could be to the people around me. So yeah, Self improvement is masturbation… when all you see is yourself.