When Words are Nothing

When daylight fades and all that is left is deep and terrifying darkness what is loudest is always the sound of silence. We notice it more clearly than any other sound because we are surrounded by noise. It takes a weighted moment to stop the sound and that is when the sound loses all sense of purpose.

In times of terrible tragedies we are left with questions. We are left with the desire to comfort others. We are left babbling words like “I’m sorry...” or “Things will get better” but those words fall like stones to the ground. It is in the silence that we show our strength. Only Faith can stand wordless in the face of overwhelming terror. Only faith can be a silent pillar that is unmoved when the entire world around us crumbles. Only faith lashes us to the mast as the storm rages. Only hope can see that there is an end. Only love heals what is left standing afterward.

Thoughts on Relationship Score keeping

We all try to win. We all want to keep score. We try to win arguments, holidays, house work, career, everything. All while Joe Esposito sings "You're the best!"

Anytime you keep score there will be two things that happen for certain. There will be winner and a loser. And the game will end.

When you don't keep score the game goes on forever. It becomes poker with friends. It becomes learning to play better. It becomes father-son basketball too late on a school night. Without a score you just play with who you love and you get to play forever.

Smoke Rings and Whisky Stones

I had been sitting outside watching the sun set for a good hour as the thoughts began pouring through me. I had a cigar and just enough scotch left to last through it. I was left with enough sunlight to write down a few of those thoughts, and this is what came out.

When I first sat in the chair to wind down the evening I had lit the cigar only to find that I did not care for it. It no different than the others I had smoked before but I guess I just was not in the mood yet. I allowed myself to continue smoking. It was lit after all. I put on some happy music. I tend to gravitate towards Irish folk music because it can be happy and sad at the same time. I like that. After I managed the first few smoke rings my demeanor changed and I began to let the pressures and stress float away with them.

I let my mind wander to thoughts of the great minds that I have admired. Tolkien, Lewis, and Chesterton. I have often wondered what it would be like to sit with them, and just listen. Their words that I have read floated through me and my mind came to Mr. Chesterton, whose birthday is today. I don't consider myself adept in his writing mostly because I have not read (or reread) enough of him. He seems to be the flagship apologist from another time, likely because he is just so darn quotable. One of my favorite pieces by him is an essay on what he found in his pockets while stuck in a train station. Another favorite is an essay on chasing one's hat in the wind and why such a thing should not be regarded as silly. If an inconvenience rightly considered is indeed an adventure then I regarded these thoughts as a challenge to be written down and made sense of. So here you are Mr. Chesterton. See what you have sown.

The thing about smoking a pipe or cigar while drinking one's preferred whisky is that it creates a sense of ritual. Doing so at sundown and in bare feet only beckons the thoughts of hobbits saying farewell to their day of eating 6 meals and making mischief. If it is good enough for Bilbo Baggins then it is good enough for me! I wondered if my smoke rings would impress the Grey Wizard who visits the Shire from time to time. Maybe he would laugh. It was indeed a ritual and ritual is lost on our culture. The smoke rising from my chair was the smoke of worry being burnt away. It was the incense being burnt unto the Lord. Prayers rise as smoke to heaven. My thoughts were with them. Contemplative and ritualistic I let those puffs of smoke rise away and to a place that need not concern me because I was here. I was sitting at the center of Creation. I sat alongside those minds that I had admired. The music carried me so some lost tavern as the raucous melodies were chanted as I sat among a throng of men who all came before and after me the same way. I was joined by every man who watched the sun go down and that small part of him wondered if it would rise the next morning but with the faith that it would like some ambitious encore. I was with every man who ever wondered about his fate and how to get there. Ritual joined us together.

At times the smoke can become too much but that is what the whisky is for. They hold each other aloft. Two Pillars of one great moment. Two Pillars to one great faith. I felt grateful for both because I needed both.

Pondering further what the drink and smoke were telling me I thought that the old alchemists would be rather jealous of this. The whisky, the fire of the cigar, the air of my lungs, and the stones I used to chill the glass were bringing the base elements they strained over together. It was not their precious stone that I found though. Gold did not matter to me I thought. And the cold irons that weighted me down were transmuted into something far more precious and light: joy. Joy lightens the heart but only when there is room for it. We often don't realize the space we have for it until the space is made. Joy, that wonderful treasure that is gained only when that which we valued over it has gone missing.

I wished I had another cigar but sometimes you can make more out of less.

I cannot say why I was compelled to write these thoughts down. If for any reason but to recommend watching the sun set with your shoes off, your drink of choice, and a nice pipe. I once pondered the health risk of smoking. Depression kills too. Moderation doesn't. Let yourself float with the smoke rings. That may be the best way to climb to Heaven at times. Float, because after all: “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” G.K. Chesterton whose birthday is today.  

Three Popes I have seen

They were three fathers. Each one different and yet they all loved the same. I have found myself pondering the lives of the three men I have seen take the helm of the Church I love so much. They have each given their lives as servants to the people of God, not all in the same way or style but certainly from the same source of love.

"My 3 Dads" sounds like a bad sit com but that's how I feel about this picture!

In 2001 I was fortunate enough to see Pope John Paul II (or the Great) in Toronto. His presence was overwhelming, loving, and powerful. It was how one should feel in the presence of a holy person. It was how one should feel in the Presence of the Sacraments. John Paul II gave me my first look at a Pope and what I saw was a man who looked out over a field filled with hundreds of thousands of young eyes and had nothing but love in his heart. As he elevated the Eucharist during Mass in that same field the light broke through the rainclouds directly over the platform he was on and there formed an image burned into my mind for eternity. The Church, The Sacraments, and the Pope were such an example and focal point of love on earth that nothing could stand in its way.

 JPII’s story was nothing short of inspiring. His devotion to Mary and the Church showed so many youth my age that there is a clear cut path to holiness and love. He was a Pope that showed fatherly warmth, with open arms and a big smile. He was our philosopher pope. His writings are brilliant and filled with riches for any Catholic (or non Catholic) young or old. Theology of the Body gave the people of my generation the knowledge and mindset needed to recapture our spirituality in regards to our own bodily Temples.

JPII was that teacher we all loved in Junior High. The guy we wanted to teach every class from now until Graduation day. He was the teacher that taught us how to live not just what was needed to pass the test.

I watched the world mourn his death. I mourned with them. His shining example and his loving smile was gone from this world but his example lived on in each of us and the Church grew because of him.

We waited in anticipation for our next Holy Father and we were given the Spirit’s answer: Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger who would become Benedict XVI. Despite the jokes of his similar appearance to a certain Emperor from a certain Sci-fi franchise I saw in him a very different but all the same loving man who would show us holiness. I saw the shyness in his eyes. I remember reading that he hoped he would not be picked for the job and for that I admired his bravery. He took up the yoke of service and ran with it in his own way. He showed us through his 8 years of papacy that the search for knowledge could be holy. He was our theologian Pope. His quiet wisdom and love of learning showed me that the Church would once again grow in so many ways. I remember his meeting with abuse victims in America within his first years and I remember the look in the eyes of those interviewed who met with him in that private meeting. They may not have returned to the Church, or they may have but they saw the man at the top humble himself before them to beg forgiveness on behalf of the Church. It saddens me so few remember this but it does not surprise me.

Benedict would then shock the entire world with his announcement that he would resign! YOU CAN DO THAT?! Said the entire world.

When the shock finally cleared all that was left was a very big act of humility. It was plain and simple and this act would usher in for the next pope the opportunity to keep that sentiment flowing and show us not a new but very old Church willing to get down on its hands and knees and bare the weight of the world on its back.

Enter Pope Francis.

It has only been a few days into the new papacy and already the world is spinning its collective head to see this man who embraced simplicity of life during his time as a bishop in Argentina to continue to humble himself as Pope. Here is a very different Pope A very different father with a very different style of loving. Even the non-Catholics of the world are in awe of his actions over the past week. A tune which will soon change I am sure when they realize that he is still in fact Catholic and holds to Catholic teachings. The dread of the future is not on my mind however but hope. This man instills so much hope it is unbelievable. It is hope that he can show the Church how to show the world what true Christian love is; That what we preach is attainable and livable, and WORTH THE EFFORT. Pope Francis is a man that in only a short time has set himself apart from his predecessors but also shown that he can stand shoulder to shoulder with them in magnitude of actions. It is a very hopeful future I see in this man and I truly feel that we will all experience the journey along with him as he leads us. This is not a Pope that will feel far away. He will feel close.

He says “I want a poor Church that is for the poor.” We want that too. He wants a Low Church. We need that too. He shows us humility and love. We need to learn this too. We always must be willing to relearn how to love. We are in need of a Low Church because it is the Low Church that elevates the poor so that the High Church can shine its Heavenly beauty upon them.

I do not think he is simply referring to the earthly poor alone. He is referring also to those that are poor in spirit: Those who are despairing, those who are arrogant, those who are in need of love and humility so that they too can walk beneath the very low gate that leads to heavenly holy life. Pope Francis looks to be the man to show us how to get that job done.

VIVA IL PAPA!!!

PENANCE!!

 

 

NO MEAT! PENANCE!!!

 

 

PENANCE!!!

 

 

MORE PENANCE!!!

 

 

 

Ok this one might actually involve some suffering...

 

 

 

Try to hurt a little this Lent, It's good for you.

 

"Life is pain, Highness, anyone who says differently is selling something." -Dread Pirate Roberts laying that Wisdom down

Life of Beauty and Terror

Taking a point from Walker Lemons over at 1001 Rules for my Unborn Son I went to the movies by myself (160) to see Life of Pi. I never read the book and I feel that just added to the experience for me. I always enjoy seeing a movie that even after 2 hours of sitting makes me feel that I need to sit down and think about it. Now you get to pay Tue price of me thinking about it:

It has been a while since I have seen such an artful film. I also am not a huge fan of 3D; I tend to feel like it is being thrown in my face and is gimmicky. This was not gimmicky. The art of the scenery whether meant for 3D or not were beautiful. The story was beautifully told. It was about the beauty of life and that part of that is pain.

Like the tiger beauty is both awe-inspiring and terrifying. It is a true sign of art to show us something both beautiful and fear inducing. This is what we see in ourselves. We can use our pain. It transforms us. That is the nature of beauty to resonate with the soul and cause it to swell and grow. Truth is contained within it and the truth is terrible. It makes us cringe. We hide from truth because while it may set us free it is an all exposing light. We see everything and we don't always want to see what was hidden. "He brought the evil out of me!" As I heard Pi scream that the tears welled up. Into the deep within the magnificence of exposing ones weakness shone onto pain and joy. Joy at life! But how painful is life! Life is growth and growth is painful. The light of truth alone can expose the weakness as strength, that to be great we must be small, to be beautiful we will be terrifying.

On this day as my brothers and sisters March for Life in our nations capital my prayers are with them. Recognizing the magnificent beauty of life but the terrifying truth of what it ,means to fight for it. No news will recognize you. You will be treated as monsters. But remain beautiful and terrifying and most importantly love the ones who will hate you for it. Because only that kind of truth can inspire loving honest dialog.

There are foolish reactive people on both sides of such arguments that would tear at each other until there is nothing left just as there are good people. We are the ones who refuse to look beauty in its fierce eyes. It is Like a flame, that hot harsh nurturing thing that we dare not touch but desperately need in darkness. An issue such as this is one that requires love in the resolution. I have no doubt of the love that exists on both sides of an argument and thus I have no doubt in the goodness of the men and women of both sides. Only by being truthful, beautiful, and terrifying can we all be carried through such storms. The tiger will keep us alive

Zombie Survival Plans and Our Declining Opinions of Each Other.

In the aftermath of another failed apocalypse and the current pop culture popularity of all things undead I have come to the conclusion that we do not quite like each other as one would hope. The Bad Catholic seemed to be thinking the same thing as I was around the same time because he recently posted on the same topic but a different perspective. I suggest reading his piece concerning Zombies and the end times. Don’t worry, I’ll wait here.

My thoughts towards the zombie apocalypse tend to focus on the same subject matter as what keeps me watching The Walking Dead: the people involved.

You can’t walk onto a high school or college campus without bumping into a male adolescent who has thought through every minute detail of his plan to survive the zombie hordes. (Never mind he still hasn't done his math homework.) I won’t lie I have several plans adaptable for various scenarios and climates. It was this realization that led me to my previously mentioned conclusion: we want to see each other as expendable when the going gets rough.

At the core of every zombie survival plan rests the not too often talked about truth: we would kill to survive and not just kill but kill the walking visage of our own friends and families. Sure they are just the reanimated corpses of our once loved ones but that is exactly what I want to drive at. Are we so willing to view our fellow man as fodder for our baseball bat/shotguns and chainsaw arms? I dare say it would not take long for us to lose our humanity in such a world. 

Ruminating further on the idea of zombie survival and the mental energy put into forming such plans leads me to wonder why we are so eager to view our world in such a way.  My theory: because it is easy.

It is far easier to think of ourselves when the fecal matter hits the rotating blades positioned to move air forward. I would say that those zombie plans are the result of our own existential laziness. Transcend the idea for a moment that we are not a solitary being but a part of some greater whole. How easy is it now to imagine the shambling horde comprised of our dearest friends? When a part of the whole is sick we are not called to turn from it and think only of ourselves. It is not the easy path to reach out to a broken part of the whole to fix it. 

As members of the Body of Christ we are called to view our brothers and sisters as just that, our brothers and sisters, we should not be so eager to imagine the shambling horde of expendable meat sacks ripe for bludgeoning, as obstacles to our survival. I seem to think that the best hope for survival in a zombie scenario would be selflessness. Sure that may be the death of us all but at least we would go out as humans with dignity, not just another lifeless face in a horde of selfishness.  

Will I Stand?

The town of Alexandria, Louisiana boasts several characteristics that make it the most charming little bubble to live in since Mayberry but one thing it will forever stand out for to me is the Stage Play Cast of characters that make up the Diocesan Priests of Alexandria. My fellow altar servers will know exactly what I mean. What is great about such a fine cast of priests is that there are bound to be great stories with this one being one of the more inspiring:

Alexandria priest returns to duties after shooting.

The man took a bullet in the stomach as a group of cowards thought to take advantage of someone who they knew is in service to their community. He stood with a gun to the back of his neck and who knows what running through his mind and looked Death in the eye and told it to get out.

Released from the hospital that morning and not days later Fr. Scott was presiding over a beautiful wedding for one of the most on fire for God couples I have ever known. As Fr. Scott gave his homily his words reached a place in my heart that I dared not go for a very long time. It was that special place where doubt and fear reside, that place where the thought is: “Are you really there? Do you hear me?” Father’s words struck like hot iron to an anvil and sparks illuminated the dark room. “You have overcome so much in your relationship. Your have conquered every obstacle, until this week. Hurricanes fizzled, and bullets were blocked.” Applause met this simple comment which carried so much in it. I realized that this was not just the joy of a beautiful wedding of two holy souls but it was the joy of Life.

It is that Joy that exstinguishes doubt.

I saw Father’s joy at marrying these two and his joy of being alive as he said “I know we are all happy to be here but no one happier than me.” I saw the holiness and pure joy in the entire image of couple, priest, and Sacrament. All I could think of is what joy and faith in the Lord a soul must have to be able to joke about what happened just days later in the midst of such a happy occasion! It was such a powerful moment to see all of this and be just overwhelmed in such spirit.

It had me thinking about that small place of the heart where the doubt lives, where the cowardice of our minds sometimes wins over our judgment. Can I have such trust in my heart to stand with death at my neck? Can I kindle that joy and fire in the face of such darkness? I like to think so; at least I like to think it is possible for all of us. There is living proof in what I saw that day. I saw everything that could matter: Love, Joy, and Faith all contained in one image. It is an image i will carry with me so that when the storm is rising and there are enemies at my gate or even towering over me with my life in their hands, I’ll stand.

Back from the Thinking Space

Just to assure you I have been spending my time away wisely:



"Why did the scientists take their helmets off? I mean the air was breathable but bacteria.."



A year of fatherhood and four years of marriage are approaching fast. In this time I have found myself reflecting quite a bit to be both of those things: husband and father. Those who know me are indeed surprised I am capable to managing one of those roles effectively (subjective opinion).

I like to think I fall somewhere between Cosby and Red Foreman (not pictured due to dislike of having picture taken)



Always being one to draw inspiration and motivation from people who tend to say things better than me, I have become fond of reading advice or musings of other men on being a man. Those who know me will be surprised to find that I am a huge Tolkien hound. (I know, right?) His mastery with words in nothing short of inspiring and his spirituality shines through even when he doesn’t mean it to. When he does mean for it to then it is something that causes that feeling of hair-on-back-of-neck-standing-on-end excitement. In a letter to his son Christopher, J. R. R. Tolkien bestows advice to his son that is quite possibly some of the manliest advice a father could pass of to his son. (Rudyard Kipling’s If being staunch competition):

"Out of the darkness of my life, so much frustrated, I put before you the one great thing to love on earth: the Blessed Sacrament... There you will find romance, glory, honour, fidelity, and the true way of all your loves on earth, and more than that: Death. By the divine paradox, that which ends life, and demands the surrender of all, and yet by the taste -or foretaste- of which alone can what you seek in your earthly relationships (love, faithfulness, joy) be maintained, or take on that complexion of reality, of eternal endurance, which every man's heart desires.

The only cure for sagging or fainting faith is Communion. Though always Itself, perfect and complete and inviolate, the Blessed Sacrament does not operate completely and once for all in any of us. Like the act of Faith it must be continuous and grow by exercise. Frequency is of the highest effect. Seven times a week is more nourishing than seven times at intervals.

Also I can recommend this as an exercise (alas! only too easy to find opportunity for): make your communion in circumstances that affront your taste. Choose a snuffling or gabbling priest or a proud and vulgar friar; and a church full of the usual bourgeois crowd, ill-behaved children - from those who yell to those products of Catholic schools who the moment the tabernacle is opened sit back and yawn - open necked and dirty youths, women in trousers and often with hair both unkempt and uncovered. Go to communion with them (and pray for them). It will be just the same (or better than that) as a mass said beautifully by a visibly holy man, and shared by a few devout and decorous people. It could not be worse than the mess of the feeding of the Five Thousand - after which our Lord propounded the feeding that was to come."

These are the words of a father telling his son that life will not be easy, but there is a light within that darkness. Within the Holy Sacrament is found the union and fulfillment of all things. He is crying out “Son, if you love anything, love this, and you will love all.” Has anything ever been so powerful as Life and Death put before us in the same space? The paradoxical salvation of all mankind held within the single point of the Divine Miracle before us in the Mass? Love this and you shall know love! Love that is freely given and through this Sacrament that you love, that love is poured out into all that is fulfilled within it! Love one, love all. Save the cheerleader, save the world. There is no Spoon! No, it is all there within what comes to dwell within us!

The Eucharist is a spiritual and physical singularity. Through that Sacrament we experience a transformation to total fulfillment. The Sacraments are a single point in time where the divine infinite and the finite world collide and converge. I think of Paul Muad’dib Atreides in Dune Messaiah when he is blind yet can see all of the points in time around him converging on him and his actions.

 All the spiritual and physical world bends towards the glory, honor, fidelity, true way of all loves, and death found in that one Sacrament, that one moment of Love poured out, and the very same power that shattered Death and rose Christ from the dead.  

As a father I know that I cannot love my son perfectly. I know that I cannot be a perfect husband. I will strive for it and I know that through that love I find in the Eucharist I can certainly maintain it. I must therefore concede to the overwhelming love that God has for my family. Let it work through me so that my love becomes one with that unending wave of love that can only be described as otherworldly. Following this faith is not about being good, it is about becoming good. Transforming our very being from what is to what could be. Through that tranformation we become something stronger than we were before.

He goes so far as to tell his son “do something that stretches your limits.” Go to Mass with distractions! Face those things that disturb you and irk your senses. Find a Mass with music that is ghastly or a babbling homily to divert your attention from where it should be. What a challenge. Challenge Accepted! Could I do that? Could I push myself to focus on what I need to with so many distractions around? This exercise could inform so many other aspects of life. Do we know our target? How is our aim lately? All you new archery fangirls (Hunger Games/Brave anyone?) should get a kick out of that. Seriously, can we keep our sites on what we desire without distractions grabbing our attention? I hear “no” to this all the time in the form of: “Oh I don’t go to church I don’t like that priest/music/parish/.” If I am supposed to love the Sacrament as such, then does simply walking away when things aren’t right make sense? (hint: no) If we let ourselves be transformed by love then I would dare say it may get harder to walk away than stay.



No Storm is Loud Enough

There is something comforting about Mass during a storm.

Something about the serene image of the Liturgy carrying on while the sky roars outside, shaking the stained windows. There is peace inside, and chaos outside.

We are in our sanctuary during dark times.  The world outside swirls and roars but in here we have peace. We have love.

What has brought us here in these stone walls? Love is all. Our God is love and it is love we have. Love sustains this Mass and the Mass sustains our love. The thunder roars outside and we may flinch but the walls do not, the Liturgy does not.

We sing louder than the storm, we praise louder than the wind can howl.

The storm will end but the Church, the Faith, the Love, the Liturgy is eternal.

Even in the darkest shadow there can be the smallest pin-prick of light. The days when we can only be so angry at the world to the point of just wanting to give up are overwhelming. It is because those that we hear when people start to fight are the only bellowing the loudest. Even in this time of frustration we can always find our peace. The love of God dwells in every living soul and there is a cause for hope.

 I try to remember that image of being in Mass during a thunderstorm. All of the pettiness and politics of the world are rumbling just outside the door but they cannot shake the Liturgy. They cannot shake me. This is our strength to carry on. This is our fighting spirit that we should never give up on the world no matter how dark it may seem. Light always finds its way through and that gives me hope. It gives me a reason to love no matter what. That is the light within; that is a self sustaining fire burning with the Love of God in every one of us.

The world has a funny way of making us forget the kind of goodness people are capable of. The swirling storm will try to extinguish the good and leave us focusing on the bad. Never let the bad overwhelm us. We come together. Even in the light of tragedy love carries us through. Let’s never let that fade and the grace of God will be with us always. 

Remember Luke, The Force will be with you, always.

Insert Coin, A New Challenger Approaches!

I see you have been getting along just fine the past two weeks without me! I apologize for my inconsistency but finals happened and all that. Now I am back! On to the fun:

So in the past few weeks a lot has happened and I have been doing much thinking on this a lot of happening which is never a good thing. One of these happenings was a rally that involved a speech given by the apparent Well-spring of All Things Science (according to his more enthusiastic fans) Richard Dawkins. I get it, he doesn't care for theists, that's his right as a free will exercising human being and I can even understand (and share) his contempt for the "less polite" representatives of Christianity. In his speech he urged atheists to challenge, and ridicule Catholics for believing in the Eucharist and all that other stuff. Got it.. well Mr. Dawkins I have one thing to say to that:



Challenge Accepted!

I would like to take a moment to thank Rick for kicking the game into Hard Mode. I am in no way claiming intellectual equality with Dawkins but I will happily stand my ground against a challenge even if it came directly from him. If i claim to believe in something and cannot defend it then what am i doing with it? Calling all brothers and sisters of faith! What good is it to believe if our belief is not affirmed by our actions? So let's do this.

In all honesty I think that this type of reaction towards people of faith is the result of a combination of assumptions and bad experiences. Are either of those things good enough reason to discredit something completely? NOPE. That's just my thoughts. I feel challenged by Dawkins' words to step up my own faith, learn more about it, and grow in spirituality. I want to be the kind of Catholic that people meet and see the joy in my life and begin to wonder "What is it I am noticing here?" Is it my faith, is it just me, or is it a fantastic combination? The Grace of God is so much sneakier than the heavy handedness of some Christians and even sneaker than those crafty temptations. God's Grace is capable of inspiring people without notice until it is too late! Grace creates a joy, a drive to work, and a humor about life that is very obvious because faith has become so ingrained in the life of the believer that every action is their prayer to better the world in love.

 My question is this: can what Dawkins suggests be used to promote dialogue or is this just an open door to mock people and fall into the classic point-fingers-and-yell-louder-than-the-other-guy style of enlightenment? This is my impression of someone giving the benefit of the doubt.

I welcome discussion. It seems to be the most overlooked aspect of figuring things out lately. So much is happening in the abortion/gay marriage/atheist vs theist arenas and all we are getting is a yelling match. It almost seems that the days are gone when two gentlemen of opposing views can sit down to a pint of beer light their pipes and actually talk about what they believe with the levelheadedness of trying to understand the other persons position. That's right, leave your blood pressure meds at the door its gonna be a good old fashioned "talk about stuff." Of course I have experienced several wonderful discussions with people who differ from me on a number of beliefs and we get along just fine. It is just unfortunate that all we are going to hear on the news and in main channels of information is the people yelling the loudest and not listening. Maybe we should start discussing with bullhorns..

Self improvement is...

I don’t typically want to be “that guy” that quotes Fight Club, but there was always this line that I never quite clicked with until recently:

“Self improvement is masturbation.” –Tyler Durden.

I always thought that was just some line thrown in to make Brad Pitt sound even cooler than he already was so I never quite got the line… until I saw this.

I generally don’t let the things I see in the bottomless well of despair, that is the internet, bother me, but every now and then some buoyant piece of putrescence floats up within smelling distance and gets me to seething. This week’s facepalm was just this. This is something people are doing. Sure not many people are doing it and there are worse things happening out there happening but as I thought about why something this ridiculous would make me so angry I came to realize:

1. Men have failed women. Men who fail to make the women in their lives understand that they are indeed beautiful simply for being. When things like #uglychicksarentallowed are trends on Twitter, We have failed. When it is astounding to the press that a couple is married for 40, 50 or 60 years, we have failed. When a girl shoves a tube up her nose in an obsessive attempt to lose ten pounds, we have failed.

This is not to say men do not do their fair share of silly things. Men have insecurities as well but men also have an interesting mechanism that activates when we make a girl feel pretty or special. So as an open call to men to spread the word: SACK UP. Hold a door open for a girl. Tell her she looks nice. Stop talking about how hot she is and how hot she isn’t. Stop letting the basest instincts define the value put on someone. You don’t have to marry a girl if you tell her she looks pretty just do it. Who knows? The ladies might reciprocate and the world would be just a bit happier.

2. “Self improvement is masturbation.”

I knew I was going somewhere with this. There are two reasons to improve yourself: Selfish and Selfless. The article above makes this sound like it is motivated by weight loss. That is in essence a desire to be healthy but the means of this diet are in no way healthy: mentally or physically. This is all about looking a certain way. I work in a gym part time and when you do something that silly you see a lot of silly things. Women who are not grossly overweight convinced of their obesity will claim “My husband thinks this extra 5 lbs is just disgusting!” (Paraphrased true story also husband read above…ass.)

Now the thought process of working out to look a certain way was an easy trap to fall into for me. Did you see that guy in Thor? He looked awesome! Man, how awesome would it be to look like that. Yeah guys do that too. It all came down to selfish vanity. I had to break away from that and there are plenty of people who are in this trap as well. I remember an awesome quote from Tony Horton (the p90x guy) that said something to the effect: if you are working out to look like someone else you will always be disappointed but if you work out towards a fitness or health goal then the aesthetics are the reward that comes with that. This is true, if we work on ourselves in any aspect of our lives. If we work towards what we think is how we need to be or how we need to look then it will never be good enough especially if we only focus on the physical because the great truth of the situation is: We are going to die. Will anyone at your wake be talking about your abs? If so then you are boring. Go Away.

Though Lent is over, let’s think back to Ash Wednesday. If you happened to be in a parish that says the softer handed “repent and receive the gospel” line as they trace ash on you, alright, but I am a fan of “Remember O man, that you are dust and unto dust you shall return.” Fancy way of saying, think about what you are doing because you sir, are going to die. This mental trap helps us forget that very important truth and it is not just in the gym or the bathroom mirror that this happens. There are plenty of “philosophile” Catholics (and others) who pour over books just for the sake of the knowledge, not to teach but to show it off. Trying to be Gandalf but never Samwise. (If you ask nicely I will write another post to explain what I mean). We are going to die, and our lives should be lived for others. Learn for the sake of teaching others, strengthen for the sake of being others strength; the true Christian life is one of servitude and selflessness.

The moment I broke from this trap I started running more, I started wanting improvements not for myself but for those around me. I wanted to be a healthier husband and father. I wanted to be a good example to my friends. I wanted to improve in the sports I was interested in to help others grow. The discipline I could learn in those areas translated to schoolwork and other areas of life. I didn’t want to just accumulate knowledge for myself; I might want to teach someday. Suddenly there wasn’t just a tunnel vision prophesy of how I thought I was supposed to look but who I could be to the people around me. So yeah, Self improvement is masturbation… when all you see is yourself.

The Shadow Proves the Light

Humans like to feel good. Humans like to feel happy. Humans are silly creatures.

There is a difference between living joyfully and feeling happy. Joy springs from the well of the divine, from our hearts. Happiness is a reaction, and can be shaken. Joy is a cause. All too often are we torn from happiness by some great cataclysm of life but it is in our darkest times that we are never closer to the Light.

Darkness and despair is a tricky subject to tackle, but here in the Easter season we are to be joyful at the victory of Christ’s Sacrifice and what happens when that feeling fades? Ol’ Clive Staples had it right as he described the Christian life as a series of waves that rise and fall. We have an experience and it elevates us to an almost manic state of happiness and elation in the light, and then we and dipped back into shadow as we come down from that mountain, like Moses returning from meeting God only to come back to his people worshipping a cow. We all experience this of course. The funny thing is we tend to know that good times do not last forever but we tend to assume the bad will. It is our nature to yearn for those feelings of happiness and to see beauty in life again and so when the going gets rough we tend to chicken out.

I find myself thinking should we be just as grateful for dark times in our lives? They do provide opportunities for growth and to strengthen ourselves. The truth is the dark and hard times should be uplifting. The shadows cast on the wall only prove the source of light. The bad things that happen in this world can leave us broken and weak but all we have to remember is that it ends, that we can see it through. 

We have such a richness of faith, and the Sacraments that provide us with such grace to lift our hearts out of darkness but we must act. Robert Frost’s “Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening” gives us the image of a man standing between two images: A frozen lake and a snow filled woods on the darkest night of the year. I see every one of us in that image; standing between God’s endless forest and Hell’s Frozen Lake in the darkest hour, contemplating the journey ahead. 

Our Dark night of the Soul comes to an end eventually but it always seems like Winter in Narnia: “Always winter but never Christmas.” We can see each other through a harsh winter. We can Love our neighbor and our enemies. Like campers in the cold night in the wilderness we are drawn closer to the light of the fire. I believe we can stay joyful in the dark times and that is what makes the love of God shine in the world. We should be grateful for our winters because we are never closer to God or to each other. Eventually, somewhere in Narnia the snows start to melt, the sun breaks the clouds, and you might even hear sleigh bells in the distance. (Dibs on the Sword.)

Also give this song a listen: Even the Winter by Audrey Assad

Easter: It all leads up to this.

      I love the Easter Triduum. The symphonic rises and falls of the Liturgical Year reach its great Crescendo at the Vigil. Easter makes the entire year a meaningful journey. If the Annunciation was the moment the Universe held its breath, then Easter is when it exhaled. It is because of Easter we have the Church and Her Priests. We have poetry, art, music and all inspired things that profess the beauty of this world magnified and made ever more beautiful by the victory won by the Resurrection.  I love that moment, when we hear the Gloria for the first time in weeks at the Vigil, that hair-standing-on-end moment of loud happy praise of the Glory of God. The bells ring, the lights turn on, and we see the Kingdom of God revealed before us. It is as if we are opening our eyes to a new world of hope and victory. Easter gives everything we do purpose. Every action small and great done by the Church is given a deeper purpose and meaning through Death’s Defeat. Without Easter, Christmas would just be another birthday.

     Today is Holy Thursday. It is the beginning of our New Beginning. Today we remember the establishment of the Eucharist at the Last Supper: The climax of the Greatest Love Story in all of history. The moment we re-experience every time the priest places his hands over the altar; the moment when God, the Creator, chose to suffer for his Creation, a Creation that chose to commit deicide. God, who is Love, allowed his own creatures to thrust him so low so that He might lift us up out of the muck and filth. Our own propensity to brutalize and kill was used to facilitate our salvation. Today, we remember that God not only chose to do this once, but established a Sacrament through which this Sacrifice would be experienced again and again. This Sacrament, brings God to us, brings us into Him, and is the Source of all Love. It is the Love from which all other loves flow. When we receive this Love, we become the vessel through which this Love flows.

     We hear that we become living tabernacles. Consider that image. WE are the CONTAINER that is to carry Love into the world. In the most humble way I will say: we become the vessel which contains the Center and Source of Love, A vessel that All the Heavens and Earth bow to what is contained within. All Souls, great and small, Angels and Demons, Light and Shadow, must bend the knee to the Presence that is carried within us at that moment. We contain what the Angels and Saints love, and the Enemy and his demons FEAR: Love that shakes the foundations of the universe, Love that changes what love is. We carry Love that shattered Death’s finality, won us eternal life, and won us a victory to a battle that we fight today. We already have the outcome of the war. Love wins. Carry on.

I love Easter.

Dressed to Pray, or Something Else?

     I want to keep this one short, but it has a point. I was in a conversation with a good friend and he mentioned to me someone he knew who made a rather big deal about someone wearing shorts to pray in the Adoration Chapel. I am sure this well meaning fellow saw this as an opportunity to educate someone on the proper dress when approaching the Lord and what a missed opportunity it was! Imagine saying “Is THAT what you are wearing?” to someone who simply wants to go pray. The simplest remarks could turn a person from yearning piety to shameful aversion.

      I have been on the receiving end of such scorn, in Mass no less. Let me set the record straight I do own a suit and some nice clothing BUT there was a time when I did not, and my nicest clothes were still packed. (Nicest being a polo and jeans without holes in them) So here we are, my wife and I, in a new town, going to Mass at a parish that apparently had a dress code. I get it we want the congregation to look nice. In no way were we dressed as slobs but I was not wearing a fine suit or anything either. Like I said, polo and jeans. We did get looks throughout Mass but the icing on the cake was the literally “once over” look we both received from a Eucharistic Minister who in this order: Held the Body of Christ in her hands, looked my wife from head to toe, rolled her eyes, and mumbled “The Body of Christ.” I swear if I had been wearing shorts she might have refused us Communion!

     Now this brings to mind several things. What if some poor soul stumbled into that Mass after the worst day of work in his life, dirty and tired, with no time to come home, and in a state of desperate need for love? What if that look I received had been given to him? If our dress is regarded as a prayer then should we not go into the quiet place of our heart and, you know, not worry about what the other guy is wearing. Maybe that guy in shorts or jeans is like the poor woman at the well who gave her two coins. The nicest I have had at times, my two coins, have been a pair of jeans and a nice shirt.

      I do like dressing up nice for Mass. I really do, but I am not about to flaunt it as though it is the highest and almighty good, or that it is the requirement to come before the Lord. Certainly some will argue: You would dress as nice as you could to see the President! Yes that is true but I don’t plan on having a relationship with the President, nor do I put God on such a low level as to compare him to a politician. He should be held in much higher regard than that. He is the ruler and Creator of All. So if you think about it, if we were to come before the Lord as he wants us, as he sees us, then we would all be naked.

Quick! Tie me to the Mast!

In the series A Song of Ice and Fire, the character Mance Rayder makes the interesting comment that men must have someone to bend a knee to. While he spat this as an insult it does ring true. Humans have a propensity to gravitate towards leaders, have people they look up to, and are, no matter what we think, servants.

What's that? You aren't a servant? of course not how silly of me to assume. you can leave the room now, OK now let's get back to it. Yes. Slaves. We are kidding ourselves if one of us wakes up one morning and says "Oh yes, I am in complete control of what is going on!"

The truth is that we have to, at some level, acknowledge that we are not in control. We are following some code of behavior or thought that has us chained. What are we chained to? Christianity is a religion of paradoxes. Eternal life was won through death, and in order to be free we must be servants. Of course our silly human brains hear this and think "How dare God claim I should be a servant to anyone? Should I not be free?" It is our nature to rebel against this and that is why it is all the more beautiful when a person rebels against their own broken nature and links their mind, body, and heart to serving the Lord.

The truth is, we are put into slavery no matter what we do. The free thinker is still subject to his own ideas and experiences. He is a wanderer without a map. The Congregation of the Amalgamated Church of the Spiritual but Not Religious are still lost to the extend that they have a destination but no directions or guide. The sinful are slaves to their sin. So that is the choice, bond one way or another. While there is another choice, it is certainly the worst of the three: we can always not choose! (which is still a choice) Not taking the servitude of one Master or another leaves one without quarter. It leaves one to stagnate in the cold darkness of the night. To be bound to an ideal or belief is to be pulled in the direction of it, and we must always be aware of the direction we are be led. We are not called to be blind, but to follow. This is true in life and in the everlasting life. BadCatholic wrote a piece on Heaven that was more intelligent and elegant than I can hope to write today. He has it right though, Heaven is an absolute forward motion. "Further up and further in" as my good friend C.S. Lewis would say (I can say that because he isn't around to defend against such allegations like being associated with me). We are Ulysses, tied to the mast, with the world spinning around us but being pulled ever towards our goal: home. Whose mast have we lashed ourselves to? Where is this boat heading exactly?



You guys know how to steer this thing right??

We are all indentured servants working off our debt to our Masters. The question is how will the Master treat us once we are free. For Catholics, in the midst of Lent especially, we have cause to examine who the Master of our spiritual home is. We give ourselves away by our actions. By making our actions an imitation God, who loves, and making God the master of the house, then we free ourselves from bondage only to bind ourselves to a Master who wants to pull us forward, and make us new.

Saints of the new Millenium, Assemble!

It is no secret that I am super excited for The Avengers. It appeals to the comic book fan, the Joss Whedon fan, and the action movie fan in me all at once. One of the things that sets Marvel comics apart, for me, is the humanity of the characters. DC's Batman, and Superman are all seemingly the god figures of a mythology, but Spider man, the X-men, and The Avengers are all very human with very human flaws. Portraying our heroes with some sort of tragic flaw adds a layer of relation to the character because we are all flawed beings. We all have our weaknesses, and unlike Superman's Kryptonite, our weaknesses are from within ourselves.

So that leaves me asking which Avenger am I? Which weakness do I carry in my faith and how I live my life? Am I:

Tony Stark/Iron Man: (addictions aside) Am I the flashy one? Do my arrogance and aloofness leave me segregated from my fellow heroes? Is it hard for me to accept their help or acknowledge they are right and I am wrong? Do I think that I am somehow more qualified than the rest of the world?

Thor: Is it a different kind of pride that I have? Do I think I am invincible? Do I lack humility?

Bruce Banner/The Hulk: Is there something within me that I fear so much that i simply run? Is what I think to be my weakness actually my gift and strength? Do I hide my light from the world and thus fail to work to save it?

Steve Rogers/Captain America: Do I feel purposeless? Do I feel like i belong to another world, or another time, and that my gifts have nothing good to offer this world?

or am I something else entirely?

In what is sure to be a tense moment in the movie the main antagonist (that we know of) Loki is asking "How desperate are you that you would call upon such a creature?" referring to if not one but all of the members of the superhero team brought together by Nick Fury. I am sure we often find ourselves asking God the same question, referring to ourselves, or sometimes to others. It usually sounds something like "I am not worthy." (hopefully some of you read that in your best Monty Python accent!) The point is not that we are not worthy but we were chosen despite that! Despite our weaknesses and flaw we have been given a task to be stewards of the world and to be a light of love when there is no hope! When Jesus picked his apostles He did not go find the most upright citizens in town, he picked the weak, working men, some who would deny Him. He had to know they would fail him, but He called them out anyway because He knew their potential. So Christ assembled his team, and has called us to so assemble.

The orders are simple: make the world better, by loving one another.
Clothe the naked, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, care for the sick.
Love each other as you are so loved. Sin or no sin, we are all deserving of that love.

As Catholics we have a unique set of individuals to look to for inspirations. The Saints! From the Early Church to Modern Day there are stories of flawed men and women answering the call to make the world a better place. These are the heroes who existed and walked the same Earth we do, with the same struggles, and felt called to serve. They let their gifts shine as a light to the world in times of darkness.

We have the same call. John Paul II himself said in his World Youth Day address: "Young people of every continent, do not be afraid to be the saints of the new millennium! Be contemplative, love prayer; be coherent with your faith and generous in the service of your brothers and sisters, be active members of the Church and builders of peace." Read the whole thing here (It's a good one)

ASSEMBLE!!

If that doesn't sound like a call to form the Justice League I don't know what does! WE can be the heroes, WE can be the Saints, WE can inspire the future generations to take care of one another. What we don't have to do is be flawless about it. Fall down, get back up. Easy as that.

Scum and Villainy

DISCLAIMER: I actually like all of you. I do not think we are scum this the result of and for the purpose of introspection. END DISCLAIMER

Don't take this personally but I think we are all thieves and con artists.

See:

Note: You aren't this cool about it either...

 I am wholly convinced that we are committing highway robbery on a daily basis. Now I want you to put down the blunt instrument you are reaching for and stop looking up my address. Here is what I mean:

We are robbing God. It is not like we can help it but we are loved on a level that cannot be comprehended. This love is what we are called to imitate. (Christian? Christ-like?) Stop asking how we swindle God, I am getting there, in fact, here it is. God freely bestows his unending, unconditional grace and love upon us. What do we offer in return? How often do we haggle the buying price? Though, we are already bought and paid for. In His great Love for us did he not, in the ultimate act of humility, pay the greatest price for us? This is what we believe. Yet we still haggle and ask for a better deal, as if that were possible. Unconditional love, traded for a bit of conditional love here and there sounds good right? Were it you or I being offered that deal  I am certain we would have none of it! However, despite this He willingly takes the deal! Even as we are raking him over the coals he allows it because we are so loved! God takes our imperfect love and magnifies it. He returns our human love with so much more.

It is not only in this way that we find ways to cheat God. When we claim to follow God and fail to live up to what that means we are like thieving employees. We are the guys skimming off the top. We are cutting the corners here and there, testing what we can get away with. That always turns into more and more. We are reluctant to accept the difficulty of what is asked of us. Loving the world is hard. We want an easier way to do things so we always look for shortcuts, or the minimum acceptable amount of work. The thing is no one ever said this was going to be easy. Christ, the God-man Himself, said that it would actually be very very hard to follow in His footsteps. This is why it is ever more important that we learn to love each other. We carry each other through the hard times. Christian, non-Christian, it applies to all. We were asked to love like God to glorify God, BY LOVING OTHERS. That is never going to be easy.

Simply put God loves us, asks us to love like Him and put it to action. What is He getting in return from us?
Here we are in Lent and it is time to evaluate how we love. Can we ever be perfect imitations of Christ? no that is why we need eternity. Everyday presents the chance to make ourselves better than yesterday. In order to be efficient at this we must not just acknowledge our shortcomings but ACCEPT them. Embrace that truth "I am not perfect, i can always improve." Lent is for finding the corners we cut, and returning the 5 dollars we took from the register, and taking on the responsibility of being a true, loving, holy Catholic at a fair price. Otherwise we are nothing more than: (I'll let Alan Rickman take us home)

...an exceptional thief.

Ash Wednesday

    If you are like me then you are usually trying to figure out exactly what you are going to do for Lent right about now. Sometimes we find ourselves wondering about what our Lenten Penance should be weeks after the ashes on our foreheads have been washed off. It seems so natural to hold off on picking out how we will suffer for forty days. Oh how we think we suffer too, giving up Facebook, sweets, or television. Being in Louisiana has conditioned me to think at some level that Penance just means we don't eat burgers or steak on Fridays but  mountains of fried catfish and boiled crawfish are somehow a suffering to be offered up. 

"Remember that you are dust and unto dust you shall return" the priest says as he traces the symbol of the cross on our foreheads with ash. Ash that I will someday be. This body will wither away. No amount of sit-ups can keep it from happening. There is no bargain I can strike to hold off death. Lent is a time to remember this and to remember that we must always be vigilant of the state of our souls. Lent is a time to stretch and move and see what we are made of spiritually.

For Lent I want to make myself uncomfortable. I want to make challenges and have friends/family/a spouse who hold me accountable to them! If we are constantly in the comfort zone and we do not test our limits then how can we grow? The physical trainer will tell you this of your body, the therapist will tell it to you of your mind, why do we tend to neglect it of the spirit? 

What Penance means to me is the chance to exercise my soul (and maybe exorcise as well). Penance helps us to break the heavy chains of sin, and find within us deeper love. This love will move us to change the world.

As we go into Lent, let us be like the small humble hobbits, carrying the One Ring across the ashen land of Mordor. We are Frodo, weighted down and heartbroken. We struggle and crawl through the muck, and fall time and time again. When at last we fall and cannot lift ourselves with our own strength, the Grace of God steps in and carries us. Just as Sam carried Frodo, God will see our hearts through to the end, even if our bodies fail us.

 As we move through Lent let our focus move from being the carrier of the burden to carrying the burden of others as well. Be like Sam. We cannot carry another's burdens, but sometimes we can, with the help of God's love and grace, make the weight easier to bare. Remind each other, we are not alone in the desert. We will not suffer alone just as we will not be victorious alone. 

Lent is Coming..

A throne made of swords should be Penance enough yeah?

Test post. So, I will be attempting a blog here. Mostly to practice writing and to share my less personal thoughts that I would normally put in a journal. I cannot promise how this will go but for those who stick with me we can figure that out together. First official post: Ash Wednesday.