Will I Stand?

The town of Alexandria, Louisiana boasts several characteristics that make it the most charming little bubble to live in since Mayberry but one thing it will forever stand out for to me is the Stage Play Cast of characters that make up the Diocesan Priests of Alexandria. My fellow altar servers will know exactly what I mean. What is great about such a fine cast of priests is that there are bound to be great stories with this one being one of the more inspiring:

Alexandria priest returns to duties after shooting.

The man took a bullet in the stomach as a group of cowards thought to take advantage of someone who they knew is in service to their community. He stood with a gun to the back of his neck and who knows what running through his mind and looked Death in the eye and told it to get out.

Released from the hospital that morning and not days later Fr. Scott was presiding over a beautiful wedding for one of the most on fire for God couples I have ever known. As Fr. Scott gave his homily his words reached a place in my heart that I dared not go for a very long time. It was that special place where doubt and fear reside, that place where the thought is: “Are you really there? Do you hear me?” Father’s words struck like hot iron to an anvil and sparks illuminated the dark room. “You have overcome so much in your relationship. Your have conquered every obstacle, until this week. Hurricanes fizzled, and bullets were blocked.” Applause met this simple comment which carried so much in it. I realized that this was not just the joy of a beautiful wedding of two holy souls but it was the joy of Life.

It is that Joy that exstinguishes doubt.

I saw Father’s joy at marrying these two and his joy of being alive as he said “I know we are all happy to be here but no one happier than me.” I saw the holiness and pure joy in the entire image of couple, priest, and Sacrament. All I could think of is what joy and faith in the Lord a soul must have to be able to joke about what happened just days later in the midst of such a happy occasion! It was such a powerful moment to see all of this and be just overwhelmed in such spirit.

It had me thinking about that small place of the heart where the doubt lives, where the cowardice of our minds sometimes wins over our judgment. Can I have such trust in my heart to stand with death at my neck? Can I kindle that joy and fire in the face of such darkness? I like to think so; at least I like to think it is possible for all of us. There is living proof in what I saw that day. I saw everything that could matter: Love, Joy, and Faith all contained in one image. It is an image i will carry with me so that when the storm is rising and there are enemies at my gate or even towering over me with my life in their hands, I’ll stand.

Back from the Thinking Space

Just to assure you I have been spending my time away wisely:



"Why did the scientists take their helmets off? I mean the air was breathable but bacteria.."



A year of fatherhood and four years of marriage are approaching fast. In this time I have found myself reflecting quite a bit to be both of those things: husband and father. Those who know me are indeed surprised I am capable to managing one of those roles effectively (subjective opinion).

I like to think I fall somewhere between Cosby and Red Foreman (not pictured due to dislike of having picture taken)



Always being one to draw inspiration and motivation from people who tend to say things better than me, I have become fond of reading advice or musings of other men on being a man. Those who know me will be surprised to find that I am a huge Tolkien hound. (I know, right?) His mastery with words in nothing short of inspiring and his spirituality shines through even when he doesn’t mean it to. When he does mean for it to then it is something that causes that feeling of hair-on-back-of-neck-standing-on-end excitement. In a letter to his son Christopher, J. R. R. Tolkien bestows advice to his son that is quite possibly some of the manliest advice a father could pass of to his son. (Rudyard Kipling’s If being staunch competition):

"Out of the darkness of my life, so much frustrated, I put before you the one great thing to love on earth: the Blessed Sacrament... There you will find romance, glory, honour, fidelity, and the true way of all your loves on earth, and more than that: Death. By the divine paradox, that which ends life, and demands the surrender of all, and yet by the taste -or foretaste- of which alone can what you seek in your earthly relationships (love, faithfulness, joy) be maintained, or take on that complexion of reality, of eternal endurance, which every man's heart desires.

The only cure for sagging or fainting faith is Communion. Though always Itself, perfect and complete and inviolate, the Blessed Sacrament does not operate completely and once for all in any of us. Like the act of Faith it must be continuous and grow by exercise. Frequency is of the highest effect. Seven times a week is more nourishing than seven times at intervals.

Also I can recommend this as an exercise (alas! only too easy to find opportunity for): make your communion in circumstances that affront your taste. Choose a snuffling or gabbling priest or a proud and vulgar friar; and a church full of the usual bourgeois crowd, ill-behaved children - from those who yell to those products of Catholic schools who the moment the tabernacle is opened sit back and yawn - open necked and dirty youths, women in trousers and often with hair both unkempt and uncovered. Go to communion with them (and pray for them). It will be just the same (or better than that) as a mass said beautifully by a visibly holy man, and shared by a few devout and decorous people. It could not be worse than the mess of the feeding of the Five Thousand - after which our Lord propounded the feeding that was to come."

These are the words of a father telling his son that life will not be easy, but there is a light within that darkness. Within the Holy Sacrament is found the union and fulfillment of all things. He is crying out “Son, if you love anything, love this, and you will love all.” Has anything ever been so powerful as Life and Death put before us in the same space? The paradoxical salvation of all mankind held within the single point of the Divine Miracle before us in the Mass? Love this and you shall know love! Love that is freely given and through this Sacrament that you love, that love is poured out into all that is fulfilled within it! Love one, love all. Save the cheerleader, save the world. There is no Spoon! No, it is all there within what comes to dwell within us!

The Eucharist is a spiritual and physical singularity. Through that Sacrament we experience a transformation to total fulfillment. The Sacraments are a single point in time where the divine infinite and the finite world collide and converge. I think of Paul Muad’dib Atreides in Dune Messaiah when he is blind yet can see all of the points in time around him converging on him and his actions.

 All the spiritual and physical world bends towards the glory, honor, fidelity, true way of all loves, and death found in that one Sacrament, that one moment of Love poured out, and the very same power that shattered Death and rose Christ from the dead.  

As a father I know that I cannot love my son perfectly. I know that I cannot be a perfect husband. I will strive for it and I know that through that love I find in the Eucharist I can certainly maintain it. I must therefore concede to the overwhelming love that God has for my family. Let it work through me so that my love becomes one with that unending wave of love that can only be described as otherworldly. Following this faith is not about being good, it is about becoming good. Transforming our very being from what is to what could be. Through that tranformation we become something stronger than we were before.

He goes so far as to tell his son “do something that stretches your limits.” Go to Mass with distractions! Face those things that disturb you and irk your senses. Find a Mass with music that is ghastly or a babbling homily to divert your attention from where it should be. What a challenge. Challenge Accepted! Could I do that? Could I push myself to focus on what I need to with so many distractions around? This exercise could inform so many other aspects of life. Do we know our target? How is our aim lately? All you new archery fangirls (Hunger Games/Brave anyone?) should get a kick out of that. Seriously, can we keep our sites on what we desire without distractions grabbing our attention? I hear “no” to this all the time in the form of: “Oh I don’t go to church I don’t like that priest/music/parish/.” If I am supposed to love the Sacrament as such, then does simply walking away when things aren’t right make sense? (hint: no) If we let ourselves be transformed by love then I would dare say it may get harder to walk away than stay.



No Storm is Loud Enough

There is something comforting about Mass during a storm.

Something about the serene image of the Liturgy carrying on while the sky roars outside, shaking the stained windows. There is peace inside, and chaos outside.

We are in our sanctuary during dark times.  The world outside swirls and roars but in here we have peace. We have love.

What has brought us here in these stone walls? Love is all. Our God is love and it is love we have. Love sustains this Mass and the Mass sustains our love. The thunder roars outside and we may flinch but the walls do not, the Liturgy does not.

We sing louder than the storm, we praise louder than the wind can howl.

The storm will end but the Church, the Faith, the Love, the Liturgy is eternal.

Even in the darkest shadow there can be the smallest pin-prick of light. The days when we can only be so angry at the world to the point of just wanting to give up are overwhelming. It is because those that we hear when people start to fight are the only bellowing the loudest. Even in this time of frustration we can always find our peace. The love of God dwells in every living soul and there is a cause for hope.

 I try to remember that image of being in Mass during a thunderstorm. All of the pettiness and politics of the world are rumbling just outside the door but they cannot shake the Liturgy. They cannot shake me. This is our strength to carry on. This is our fighting spirit that we should never give up on the world no matter how dark it may seem. Light always finds its way through and that gives me hope. It gives me a reason to love no matter what. That is the light within; that is a self sustaining fire burning with the Love of God in every one of us.

The world has a funny way of making us forget the kind of goodness people are capable of. The swirling storm will try to extinguish the good and leave us focusing on the bad. Never let the bad overwhelm us. We come together. Even in the light of tragedy love carries us through. Let’s never let that fade and the grace of God will be with us always. 

Remember Luke, The Force will be with you, always.

Insert Coin, A New Challenger Approaches!

I see you have been getting along just fine the past two weeks without me! I apologize for my inconsistency but finals happened and all that. Now I am back! On to the fun:

So in the past few weeks a lot has happened and I have been doing much thinking on this a lot of happening which is never a good thing. One of these happenings was a rally that involved a speech given by the apparent Well-spring of All Things Science (according to his more enthusiastic fans) Richard Dawkins. I get it, he doesn't care for theists, that's his right as a free will exercising human being and I can even understand (and share) his contempt for the "less polite" representatives of Christianity. In his speech he urged atheists to challenge, and ridicule Catholics for believing in the Eucharist and all that other stuff. Got it.. well Mr. Dawkins I have one thing to say to that:



Challenge Accepted!

I would like to take a moment to thank Rick for kicking the game into Hard Mode. I am in no way claiming intellectual equality with Dawkins but I will happily stand my ground against a challenge even if it came directly from him. If i claim to believe in something and cannot defend it then what am i doing with it? Calling all brothers and sisters of faith! What good is it to believe if our belief is not affirmed by our actions? So let's do this.

In all honesty I think that this type of reaction towards people of faith is the result of a combination of assumptions and bad experiences. Are either of those things good enough reason to discredit something completely? NOPE. That's just my thoughts. I feel challenged by Dawkins' words to step up my own faith, learn more about it, and grow in spirituality. I want to be the kind of Catholic that people meet and see the joy in my life and begin to wonder "What is it I am noticing here?" Is it my faith, is it just me, or is it a fantastic combination? The Grace of God is so much sneakier than the heavy handedness of some Christians and even sneaker than those crafty temptations. God's Grace is capable of inspiring people without notice until it is too late! Grace creates a joy, a drive to work, and a humor about life that is very obvious because faith has become so ingrained in the life of the believer that every action is their prayer to better the world in love.

 My question is this: can what Dawkins suggests be used to promote dialogue or is this just an open door to mock people and fall into the classic point-fingers-and-yell-louder-than-the-other-guy style of enlightenment? This is my impression of someone giving the benefit of the doubt.

I welcome discussion. It seems to be the most overlooked aspect of figuring things out lately. So much is happening in the abortion/gay marriage/atheist vs theist arenas and all we are getting is a yelling match. It almost seems that the days are gone when two gentlemen of opposing views can sit down to a pint of beer light their pipes and actually talk about what they believe with the levelheadedness of trying to understand the other persons position. That's right, leave your blood pressure meds at the door its gonna be a good old fashioned "talk about stuff." Of course I have experienced several wonderful discussions with people who differ from me on a number of beliefs and we get along just fine. It is just unfortunate that all we are going to hear on the news and in main channels of information is the people yelling the loudest and not listening. Maybe we should start discussing with bullhorns..

Self improvement is...

I don’t typically want to be “that guy” that quotes Fight Club, but there was always this line that I never quite clicked with until recently:

“Self improvement is masturbation.” –Tyler Durden.

I always thought that was just some line thrown in to make Brad Pitt sound even cooler than he already was so I never quite got the line… until I saw this.

I generally don’t let the things I see in the bottomless well of despair, that is the internet, bother me, but every now and then some buoyant piece of putrescence floats up within smelling distance and gets me to seething. This week’s facepalm was just this. This is something people are doing. Sure not many people are doing it and there are worse things happening out there happening but as I thought about why something this ridiculous would make me so angry I came to realize:

1. Men have failed women. Men who fail to make the women in their lives understand that they are indeed beautiful simply for being. When things like #uglychicksarentallowed are trends on Twitter, We have failed. When it is astounding to the press that a couple is married for 40, 50 or 60 years, we have failed. When a girl shoves a tube up her nose in an obsessive attempt to lose ten pounds, we have failed.

This is not to say men do not do their fair share of silly things. Men have insecurities as well but men also have an interesting mechanism that activates when we make a girl feel pretty or special. So as an open call to men to spread the word: SACK UP. Hold a door open for a girl. Tell her she looks nice. Stop talking about how hot she is and how hot she isn’t. Stop letting the basest instincts define the value put on someone. You don’t have to marry a girl if you tell her she looks pretty just do it. Who knows? The ladies might reciprocate and the world would be just a bit happier.

2. “Self improvement is masturbation.”

I knew I was going somewhere with this. There are two reasons to improve yourself: Selfish and Selfless. The article above makes this sound like it is motivated by weight loss. That is in essence a desire to be healthy but the means of this diet are in no way healthy: mentally or physically. This is all about looking a certain way. I work in a gym part time and when you do something that silly you see a lot of silly things. Women who are not grossly overweight convinced of their obesity will claim “My husband thinks this extra 5 lbs is just disgusting!” (Paraphrased true story also husband read above…ass.)

Now the thought process of working out to look a certain way was an easy trap to fall into for me. Did you see that guy in Thor? He looked awesome! Man, how awesome would it be to look like that. Yeah guys do that too. It all came down to selfish vanity. I had to break away from that and there are plenty of people who are in this trap as well. I remember an awesome quote from Tony Horton (the p90x guy) that said something to the effect: if you are working out to look like someone else you will always be disappointed but if you work out towards a fitness or health goal then the aesthetics are the reward that comes with that. This is true, if we work on ourselves in any aspect of our lives. If we work towards what we think is how we need to be or how we need to look then it will never be good enough especially if we only focus on the physical because the great truth of the situation is: We are going to die. Will anyone at your wake be talking about your abs? If so then you are boring. Go Away.

Though Lent is over, let’s think back to Ash Wednesday. If you happened to be in a parish that says the softer handed “repent and receive the gospel” line as they trace ash on you, alright, but I am a fan of “Remember O man, that you are dust and unto dust you shall return.” Fancy way of saying, think about what you are doing because you sir, are going to die. This mental trap helps us forget that very important truth and it is not just in the gym or the bathroom mirror that this happens. There are plenty of “philosophile” Catholics (and others) who pour over books just for the sake of the knowledge, not to teach but to show it off. Trying to be Gandalf but never Samwise. (If you ask nicely I will write another post to explain what I mean). We are going to die, and our lives should be lived for others. Learn for the sake of teaching others, strengthen for the sake of being others strength; the true Christian life is one of servitude and selflessness.

The moment I broke from this trap I started running more, I started wanting improvements not for myself but for those around me. I wanted to be a healthier husband and father. I wanted to be a good example to my friends. I wanted to improve in the sports I was interested in to help others grow. The discipline I could learn in those areas translated to schoolwork and other areas of life. I didn’t want to just accumulate knowledge for myself; I might want to teach someday. Suddenly there wasn’t just a tunnel vision prophesy of how I thought I was supposed to look but who I could be to the people around me. So yeah, Self improvement is masturbation… when all you see is yourself.

The Shadow Proves the Light

Humans like to feel good. Humans like to feel happy. Humans are silly creatures.

There is a difference between living joyfully and feeling happy. Joy springs from the well of the divine, from our hearts. Happiness is a reaction, and can be shaken. Joy is a cause. All too often are we torn from happiness by some great cataclysm of life but it is in our darkest times that we are never closer to the Light.

Darkness and despair is a tricky subject to tackle, but here in the Easter season we are to be joyful at the victory of Christ’s Sacrifice and what happens when that feeling fades? Ol’ Clive Staples had it right as he described the Christian life as a series of waves that rise and fall. We have an experience and it elevates us to an almost manic state of happiness and elation in the light, and then we and dipped back into shadow as we come down from that mountain, like Moses returning from meeting God only to come back to his people worshipping a cow. We all experience this of course. The funny thing is we tend to know that good times do not last forever but we tend to assume the bad will. It is our nature to yearn for those feelings of happiness and to see beauty in life again and so when the going gets rough we tend to chicken out.

I find myself thinking should we be just as grateful for dark times in our lives? They do provide opportunities for growth and to strengthen ourselves. The truth is the dark and hard times should be uplifting. The shadows cast on the wall only prove the source of light. The bad things that happen in this world can leave us broken and weak but all we have to remember is that it ends, that we can see it through. 

We have such a richness of faith, and the Sacraments that provide us with such grace to lift our hearts out of darkness but we must act. Robert Frost’s “Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening” gives us the image of a man standing between two images: A frozen lake and a snow filled woods on the darkest night of the year. I see every one of us in that image; standing between God’s endless forest and Hell’s Frozen Lake in the darkest hour, contemplating the journey ahead. 

Our Dark night of the Soul comes to an end eventually but it always seems like Winter in Narnia: “Always winter but never Christmas.” We can see each other through a harsh winter. We can Love our neighbor and our enemies. Like campers in the cold night in the wilderness we are drawn closer to the light of the fire. I believe we can stay joyful in the dark times and that is what makes the love of God shine in the world. We should be grateful for our winters because we are never closer to God or to each other. Eventually, somewhere in Narnia the snows start to melt, the sun breaks the clouds, and you might even hear sleigh bells in the distance. (Dibs on the Sword.)

Also give this song a listen: Even the Winter by Audrey Assad

Easter: It all leads up to this.

      I love the Easter Triduum. The symphonic rises and falls of the Liturgical Year reach its great Crescendo at the Vigil. Easter makes the entire year a meaningful journey. If the Annunciation was the moment the Universe held its breath, then Easter is when it exhaled. It is because of Easter we have the Church and Her Priests. We have poetry, art, music and all inspired things that profess the beauty of this world magnified and made ever more beautiful by the victory won by the Resurrection.  I love that moment, when we hear the Gloria for the first time in weeks at the Vigil, that hair-standing-on-end moment of loud happy praise of the Glory of God. The bells ring, the lights turn on, and we see the Kingdom of God revealed before us. It is as if we are opening our eyes to a new world of hope and victory. Easter gives everything we do purpose. Every action small and great done by the Church is given a deeper purpose and meaning through Death’s Defeat. Without Easter, Christmas would just be another birthday.

     Today is Holy Thursday. It is the beginning of our New Beginning. Today we remember the establishment of the Eucharist at the Last Supper: The climax of the Greatest Love Story in all of history. The moment we re-experience every time the priest places his hands over the altar; the moment when God, the Creator, chose to suffer for his Creation, a Creation that chose to commit deicide. God, who is Love, allowed his own creatures to thrust him so low so that He might lift us up out of the muck and filth. Our own propensity to brutalize and kill was used to facilitate our salvation. Today, we remember that God not only chose to do this once, but established a Sacrament through which this Sacrifice would be experienced again and again. This Sacrament, brings God to us, brings us into Him, and is the Source of all Love. It is the Love from which all other loves flow. When we receive this Love, we become the vessel through which this Love flows.

     We hear that we become living tabernacles. Consider that image. WE are the CONTAINER that is to carry Love into the world. In the most humble way I will say: we become the vessel which contains the Center and Source of Love, A vessel that All the Heavens and Earth bow to what is contained within. All Souls, great and small, Angels and Demons, Light and Shadow, must bend the knee to the Presence that is carried within us at that moment. We contain what the Angels and Saints love, and the Enemy and his demons FEAR: Love that shakes the foundations of the universe, Love that changes what love is. We carry Love that shattered Death’s finality, won us eternal life, and won us a victory to a battle that we fight today. We already have the outcome of the war. Love wins. Carry on.

I love Easter.